Owning a Rolls-Royce isn’t as cool as it sounds

A Luxury Roll Through Time

I’m reading repeated stories about Rolls-Royce being “on the rolls” now.

OK, but when the family silverware came largely from Automat, I actually reported the excitement of my first day owning a Rolls-Royce. By day 10—in the Coney Island Times, which was all I could scratch to write back—I reported the total experience.

The car my husband bought? It died quickly. One wheeze, one cough – and straight to Rolls-Royce heaven. Second biggest day? It stopped on a six-lane highway and Fords, Chevrolets, Volkswagens zoomed by shouting “Get the horse!”

Our salesman, so British that King Charles seems Southern next to him, said: “Just a minor adjustment, moddam.” After a month of minor adjustments my husband is back in. The ignition went off, there was no one around and the rear windows went up by themselves. Both directional signals worked simultaneously. And the light from the back right-side makeup mirror lit the mahogany desk to the left.

Also, in January the air conditioning heating unit blasted. “Minor adjustments, moddum,” quipped its salesman, whose headquarters probably still has my Coney Island Times review stashed in his safe.


there were 99 probs in the car, i wasn’t one

Straight on a rural road, late at night, with no other cars around, this Silver Shadow Triumph Gallon pulled up to 5 miles. In city traffic that fell a bit. “Nobody buys Rolls for the economy,” the salesman said, staring at us, “if the pound hadn’t devalued, we wouldn’t even be doing business with people like you.”

It’s noon on 57th, and Madison, there’s a crowd around this white dream car – JA4 license plate. Its photographs were taken. Hood was up. Smoke came out of the engine. I got on the first thing that moved – a bus going to the city – and where I was going was the city.

Rolls-Royce
The Rolls Royce Silver Shadow wins up to 5 miles to the gallon.
Getty Images / Corbis

Next came the brake lining problem and reheating condition. Also the radio went off, the rear license plate holder fell off, the trunk locked – and the car was off. in traffic. But so chic that even when it couldn’t move we, the owners, proudly bent over to call a cab.

They say that the only thing that makes noise in Rolls is the clock. Yes. Unless you count the owner crying.

What we didn’t realize was that ours was possibly one of the earliest Silver Shadow designs and may have even been a used store model. whatever. To tell you the truth, even an asthmatic patient has a hard time dying the thrill of having a roll.


Judy’s Jib

A highlight from Judge Judy’s fiery British press blast in case you missed it:

“Prince Harry writes that William was ‘repeated’ by Meghan’s first hug. Biting the hand that feeds him, he is a selfish, spoiled, ungrateful hypocritical grandson. If my children or grandchildren did this to me, I would be angry and will hurt.

Prince Harry, Meghan Markle
Prince Harry’s latest book is stirring up more drama for the royal family.
Getty Images/Kirsty O’Connor

Divorced Me-Me-Meghan left her father, repudiated her former best friend, fought with everyone else, only looked to make money and become famous, and would eventually spend bodily fluids on Prince Empty as That is his complete birthplace.

His name is everywhere but on the toilet paper. that’s why . , , Let us go. , , Now . , , stop.


Meghan’s piggy bank will soon learn that money can’t buy happiness. What you get from this is a rich class of estranged relatives.

Only in the UK, baby, only in the UK.

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